Listen, I am never going to sit you down and tell you that Scare Package (2019) is the height of filmography. The film is not going to win any Oscars, and probably won’t be nominated for a Golden Globe. That being said, Scare Package is not a bad film. In fact, it’s a good film - a damn good film. Sitting currently at over 80% in both critic score and audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, it’s a pretty well liked film by more than just me. In the film, audiences are treated to some interesting meta-horror moments (such as a very friendly man named Micheal Myers (John Micheal Simpson) who just has an awful string of bad luck on Halloween night), a cameo by a horror legend, and some fantastic practical effects. Scare Package is a film that is clearly only for well-seasoned horror enthusiasts. I shouldn’t have to say that, but after seeing some negative reviews online (including one from a very big name website), it feels necessary to reiterate. I mean, shit, the name of the film is literally Scare Package. What did you expect - The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas?
Scare Package is set up as a frame narrative inside Rad Chad’s Video Emporium. Honestly, I liked the backdrop even more than the anthology of films explored within - Rad Chad (Jeremy King) was hilariously well-acted and fit the movie perfectly. Sam (Byron Brown), a patron of Rad Chad’s, prowls the premises searching for employment while acting like an insufferable horror movie snob - a trait I fairly easily identified with. Three of the short films contained in the Emporium - ‘Cold Open’, ‘One Night in the Woods’, and ‘The Night He Came Back Again Part IV: The Final Kill’ - were fantastic and had me laughing my ass off. Two short films - ‘Girls Night out of Body’ and ‘So Much to Do’ - were not nearly as good. The remaining short film, ‘M.I.S.T.E.R’, was serviceable. Raw numbers alone, there were more excellent short films than poor ones, and that doesn’t even count the phenomenal framing provided by Rad Chad’s Video Emporium (and subsequent conclusion to the film).
I chose to write a review of Scare Package for one major reason: to discuss what makes a “good” film. When watching a film, I do not sit with a pen and paper or read between the lines of each bit of subtext. Instead, I engage with each film on it’s own terms. Some films are simply not meant to be analyzed critically and are instead meant to be enjoyed - Scare Package is one such movie. Similarly, if one decided to search for hidden meanings in Big Ass Spider! then you are likely to have a bad time. I chose to watch Scare Package to revel in the goofy practical effects of the ‘One Night in the Woods’ or ‘The Night He Came Back Again Part IV: The Final Kill” segments. I laughed along with Jeremy King and Byron Brown as they purposefully over-acted their character stereotypes, and I rooted for the “final boy” played by Chase Williamson. Scare Package is not Citizen Kane, and approaching them similarly is both laughable and inadvisable. Films like Scare Package are meant to be fun above all else - and while certain segments are better than others - I had a great time during my viewing. In fact, I have shown this movie to four people since my first viewing. If nothing else, a “good” film should accomplish the mood it sets out to create.
If that is the case, Scare Package is definitely a “good” movie. I smiled for nearly the whole thing, laughed fairly consistently, and genuinely felt sad that it ended. I wish I could go back and watch this film for the first time again. Lines like, “Where’d you guys get your flashlights? I brought mine” hold down the film and make it feel friendly and familiar to horror fans. Scenes with exploding heads, trivial arguments amongst goo monsters, and werewolf transformations simultaneously serve as awesome displays of effects and as pretty hilarious visual gags. Nothing in the film is done ostentatiously, but it is impressive nevertheless. The actors all play their roles extremely well and are all clearly in on the joke, but special credit goes to Byron Brown’s character Sam and Jeremy King’s character Chad - they are the faces of this movie for me.
I will close this brief review by telling you, with every ounce of sincerity within me, that some movies are meant to be watched without being analyzed. There is a reason that this review is short - could we discuss the relevance of each of Scare Package’s individual references to the horror genre? Of course we could. Should we? Absolutely not. If you know exactly what you’re getting into with Scare Package, you’ll find yourself agreeing with me after the film’s conclusion. Grab some popcorn, invite your horror nerd friends, and put on this movie. No, it’s not perfect, but what other movie contains a death via flying treadmill while nearby security argues about Game of Thrones lineage?
★★★★☆
Maximilian Ripley